the Talk

Barb recently posted about how when your children get old/big enough, they sit in the front seat of your car and you therefore lose your "command center". But, she said, and I agree, that on the positive side, you are able to have some good discussions with your children that you may not have had were you talking over your shoulder.

The other night, I had one of these such conversations. I left one age appropriate child to babysit while another child and I ran to the book store to pick up a book that he had on order. As we were going down the road listening to the radio, completely out of left field, Child says: "Mom, how does your body know that you are married so that you can get pregnant and have a baby?" (The sweet, innocent phrasing of the question comes directly from me preaching that you can not have children until you are married).

In a matter of about four seconds, I was able to stay in my lane of traffic, turn off the radio, and say a little prayer for guidance. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Do you know what the word s#x means? (I've changed the word so that Google doesn't bring this post up where I don't want it to.... you get the meaning).

Child: I've heard it, and people talk about it, but I don't really listen when they do.

M: The word s has a few definitions. First, it means your gender, like when you fill out a form and it asks if you are male or female. That is your gender. Another meaning is when a man and a woman .... sleep together..... (I admit, I was fumbling)

C: Oh, so when a man and woman sleep in the same bed, it is s?

M: Well, there's really very little sleep that goes on during s. Let me ask you this... do you know the difference between a man's body and a woman's body?

C: Yes.

M: Okay, when a man and a woman have s, the man puts his part into the woman's part.

C: Which part?

M: The parts that are different from each other. (I actually said the real names instead of our family name - Lee (don't ask.))

With this, understanding dawned on his face and he literally jumped and smashed himself to the car door and said, "Ewwwe gross!"


I asked him if he understood what I had said. He said yes, and then I decided that at this time, he didn't need to know anymore of the actual physical act, but bore into him all the other important information, such as:

• Technically, a man and a woman don't have to be married in order to have a baby, but as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have been commanded by Heavenly Father not to have s-ual relations with anyone that we are not married to. In fact, we make a covenant in the temple exactly stating that.



• When you're nine, it is the grossest thing in the world to imagine, but when you are older and mature and married, it is a beautiful thing that you can share with your wife, and it is the way that we bring beautiful children into our families, like Christian.



• It is a very personal and private thing and not something that you would try to teach your younger sisters or brother. It's not even something that you need to discuss with your older brother. It's also something that you don't need to discuss with friends, because it is not really an appropriate topic to discuss outside of your home.



• It's probably too gross right now, but probably when you get a bit older, or even within the next few days, if you think of any other questions you want to ask, please come to me or dad. It is way better to talk to us and learn from us so that we know you are getting accurate and truthful information. "Will you do that?", I said. He said "I don't have any more questions about that. I don't want to know any more right now!"

Poor baby. He's pretty tough, so I don't think I scarred him for life, but it's sad to know that the innocent baby is disappearing.

Everything has been nice and normal between us. I don't think he is damaged. He probably hasn't thought a second thing about it all. Ever since I talked to other age appropriate child about it, it seems like he barely comes into our bedroom and won't even touch our bed. I think it was worse for him because I was actually pregnant with Christian. It was just bad timing, but had to be done.

I know there was a lot more to explain and go over, but I really felt that this was all that Child needed/could handle right now. We'll visit it again another time.

This talk is right up there with potty training on my list for the worst parts of parenting. I can't imagine it will be any better with girls....