Walking on egg shells

Kindergarten started off great. Really, it did. Then a couple weeks into it, everything spiraled downward. Samy got sick with Strep Throat, then at the tail end of that, Geoff and I went out of town for an extended weekend. Since then, she has cried on the short drive to school almost every day. She says that when she goes to school, she misses me. It's very sweet and nice and all, but the child has to go to school. So, I printed up a picture of me to put in her backpack so that she could have me with her all the time. I thought it might help to go have lunch with her. When lunch was rapping up, she started to tear up and say that her throat hurt. So I explained that I couldn't come have lunch with her any more if it was going to make her sad. (Not to mention make her lie, because her throat DID NOT hurt.) The picture worked well for a while, then she said she still missed me. So we read "The Kissing Hand" book and went out and bought a heart stamp so I could put a heart on her hand every morning before school. That worked for a while, then wore off, so she started wearing a necklace with a heart locket containing a tiny picture of my face and her face. The good thing is if there is an extra hectic morning and we forget the stamp, lets say, then we have the locket and picture for backups. The kid is being sent to school with a whole lot of gear!

So the other morning, she started getting "the look" in her eyes as we were getting ready to head out the door. I couldn't take it any more. I said, "you've got your necklace, your stamp, and your picture. I just don't know what more I can do for you. You have to do your job and go to school so that I can do my job and all the things I need to while I don't have all the kids at home." I asked her if she was worried that I wouldn't be there when she was done with school and that is why she didn't want to go. She said no. I asked if there was anyone at school that bothered her and that is why she didn't want to go. No. She just misses me. Heaven help us. Samy, really, I'm not all that!!! She cowboyed up and got in the car and went. But it breaks my heart. This tiny, scrawny little girl with the quivering lip and big sad brown eyes.

To make matters worse, a couple weeks ago, at church they changed the Primary Presidency and so I will no longer be with the children. I've been in there for over 4 years. Me being in the back of the Primary room is all Samy and Maren (maybe even Logan!) have ever known. So, the first week after I was released, Samy started the sobbing during the closing song in Sacrament Meeting and pretty much refused to go to Primary. (She didn't so much as refuse as I couldn't bring myself to send the sobbing sack of bones in there.) The next week - this past Sunday, she was assigned to give the talk in Primary, so I went in with her. She asked her teacher, Gayelyn (my good friend) to help her with the talk. I think she couldn't bear to have me next to her. So Gayelyn helped her say the words she didn't know and I watched my poor little girl with the quivering lip and shaky voice. She almost lost it when she had to say the word mom. What is the deal here? I've never had a child like this. No idea what I've done or how to work through it! She was able to stay in primary as I snuck out the back door when she wasn't looking. It's killing me!



Not every day is a tragedy going to school, but I have to be very careful to keep everything in the morning on the "up and up". I make sure to talk about her friends and fun things that happen at school. Talk about the upcoming Christmas party or the Polar Express Pajama day or anything I can think of that will get her mind on something fun and not home and mom. It's crazy!

Yesterday, she had chapped lips, so I gave her my tube of lip balm to take in her backpack. We pulled up to the carpool line and she started to break down realizing that she had left the tube on the bathroom counter. I calmed her down telling her that I would bring it to her in a couple hours. I said I'd leave it in the office and they would call her down to get it. She asked if I could just bring it to her class. NO WAY! Last time I went to her Thanksgiving Feast, she started crying when we were clearing plates in anticipation of me leaving and her missing me and I had her home the rest of the day. I left the chap stick in the office.

Bless her little heart. For a split second (and only that long before it was dismissed) I wondered if I should home school her. NO WAY! That could do nothing but make this all worse and prolonged. In the meantime, I am keeping conversation light and happy and walking on egg shells so as to not unintentionally start the water-works!